COCAINE AND TEENS MOVIE NIGHT!!!

So as many of you can tell,yes I was the mom that took my son,his gf and their friends to see the movie that any adult my age,would of probably not even wanted to sign up to see "cocaine bear". I must admit the movie was a bit harsh for my dry humor.It was stupid funny,you know teen funny in other words. I have no problem seeing stuff that is of this essence. I was once young and yes I will forever remember my dumb days,lol. I absolutely love everything about my son and I had a great night with him and his pals. It made me reminesence of my younger days. I am so happy and thankful to god that I was able to spend time with him. I was just wondering why after having such a great night and hanging out with his friends,why did he break down and started telling me that he has such a harsh life where he is at this moment. I was super upset and I ended up drinking again. I drank so much that i literally chased my husband out of the house and raped his ass. I kept on doing stuff to him and he was freaking out,he had not seen me like that in a good while. I was like babe I love you,but our son needs attention. He is not happy with this current situation and you do not seem to understand it. I was upset and all I wanted was to have a great time,which we did. But like always a butt he was upset bc of his living situation,the rules, the bs that he is told when his father is not home. I cracked,not brightest moment,but I needed to vent,I needed to cry, I needed a hug from my husband,so we can both come up with a plan. I was upset and I wanted to kill him last night. I did not cope with it. We ended up getting into arguments bc of my son. I care,but at this point what is this momma bear suppose to do? I need to make sure my son has a good environment to live in and grow in. Wth is wrong with my husband,how can he tell him,that the reasoning behind taking his electronics away,including his phone is because he wanted my son to have suicidal thoughts? Wth am I suppose to think? By this point i was livid,when my son and his friends were telling me all the messed up things he has had to endure being over at his brother's house. Adam's mom also calling him stupid,in an indirect way. Why would you tell your stepson,"my son is younger than you,but he is smarter?" Are you serious ma'am? Wth is your issue ,with my son. If he is such a brick in your wall, why the hell,do you insist to keep him arouond? Also my husband telling him,that I abandoned him? What in the blue hell am I suppose to think>? I hate the fact that my son has to go through all this bs and all bc she has a fucking hold on my husband's fucking brain. I told my husband stay away,stay with adam and his mom. Just give me my kid back. Of course he is not going to do that,bc he wants to build his own life,as per him "how can I love you,when I do not even love myself?" Well my question is how do I love you,so dame much,when you are right,you do not love yourself, and all I want to do is make us happy? He never thinks about all the stuff I have to do just to be able to see my son 1/month. This is some bs, I should atleast get him every other weekend. Of course not bc my husband has no balls. To be able to tell his so called roommate to leave him the fuck alone. I hate that my son has had to go thru bs after bs. Everything since he was small to now. No fucking child deserves to go thru bs from day one that they are born. I did end the note,with me calling my son drunk and crying. I was out of line, I understand but I needed to hear his voice. I know I did not have this child myself, but I have a connection,that most maternal mother's do not have. He knows it as well, i hate that my husband hates that. Idk what to do at times,but yes I have to endure so that I can have my son back home. Over all cocaine and teens is just pure bliss reminesence. Sorry to bee with an itch of my issues. This is the space where I feel I am not judged. I have alot of anger and alot of bads I must endure and I must do better. Which I am slowly but surely turning the wheel. Son I promise god willing I will get you back one day soon.